Published in Vogue Knitting, Fall 2014
well he really should have worn more protective clothing if he didn’t want that to happen
sounds to me like he was asking for it
Are we really sure he was actually shot and decapitated? Idk, sounds like something he would’ve made up. Guys make false decapitation accusations all the time, you know.
If he didn’t want to be decapitated, he shouldn’t have worn a shirt that showed off his neck
I mean, not all woman decapitate people. I’m not like that.
the speech impediment of the 21st century (by Marc Johns)
I’ll fuck you up buddy this is not a speech impediment it’s linguistic evolution!! the existence of the phrase “Aisha was like” allows the speaker to convey whatever Aisha said without making the listener assume they’re quoting Aisha directly while still maintaining the FEELING of what Aisha said.
ie, Aisha said she didn’t want to go out with me VERSUS Aisha was like, “I’d rather kiss a Wookie”.
the addition of “XYZ was like” lets the speaker be more expressive and efficient and it is a totally valid method of communicating information!!
With the way language has evolved, this is one of the few ways I can even think of to express in casual conversation what someone said.
"So I said to Aisha," is certainly used, but if you remove the "so," which implies casual tone ("and" can be used in the same way), you get
"I said to Aisha," which is really formal in most English dialects/variations. I don’t know about all, but in New England dialects, you sound like you’re reading aloud from a novel.
"I told Aisha," is really only used when you continue to describe, not tell, what you told her. Ex: "I told Aisha that James was too punk for her" works while, "I told Aisha, ‘James is too punk for you’" crosses the line back into formalness of the "I said."
Things like “I asked” or “I answered [with]” are similar levels of casual and efficient to the “So, I said [or say, as many conversations about the past take place in present tense anyway, as if the speaker is giving a play-by-play in the moment]” but are specific to only certain situations.
"I was like, 'Marc Johns, what is your obsession with restoring archaic speech patterns and interfering with the natural progression of English from complex to efficient?'" envelopes all of these easily and is accessible and crisp, and allows for more variations on inflection than the others.
Of course, James is probably like, “I already fucking said that.” But eh, I tried adding on.
This a million times
My most epic project of all time… a present for my sister and her new husband :D
Key knitting facts:
Pattern: Persian Dreams by Jenise Reid- wonderful pattern, the colourwork is charted so that made it easy to follow, and I found the grafting well explained.
Needles: 2.75mm - oww tiny needles!
Yarn: Drops Alpaca - beautiful yarn, steam blocks so well!
- Each hex is 8,394 stitches
- 19 hexes: 159,486 stitches
- The border has 30 edges
- Each section of edge is 940 stitches
- Border total = 28,200
- Grafting came to 1,974 stitches
- Total number of stitches was 189,660
- Started 7th May - finished knitting 19th August = 104 days elapsed time.
Apart from the obvious change to the colour palette, I missed out 5 hexagons and made the overall shape a hexagon, this was due to running out of time and not wanting to knit another of the middle hexagons - the non symmetrical patterns were much harder to knit than the symmetrical ones.
The border - this was supposed to be knit on as you go, however I read on the ravelry forum for this pattern’s designer Feminine by Design, that other people were leaving it until the end and I thought that was very sensible incase I wanted to adjust placement (which it turned out I very much wanted to do!). When I got to the end I asked various knitterly folk their opinions on the best way to tackle the border and the consensus was to knit it on. This meant using the following formula:
co10 separately, then
row 1: k9, k2tog (second stitch from the edge of the blanket)
row 2: k9, slp1
Repeat the two rows until you meet the cast on - in my case 28,200 stitches later, using short rows at the corners (add 10 stitches on the outtie corners and take away 10 on the innies)! If you want more detailed instructions for this let me know.
I have been knitting an average of 1,823 stitches per day - some days I didn’t work on this at all though, especially at the beginning because I was working on the stripey crocheted blanket until the 6th June.
I was knitting a section of edge in about an hour, so I probably worked on the project 2 hours a day for the 104 days, so that’s at least 208 hours wow! I was taking about 4 days to knit a hex, so 2 hours a day seems about right. Overall if I assume 208 hours to knit 189,660 stitches, my rate is about 15 stitches per minute. The hexes were slower than the border because the middles were fiddley.
Holy. Mother. Of God.